“Soulmates”

So, I got inspired to write this as I was talking to a friend this morning. My friend (we will call her Sarah) is currently dealing with a tough situation where she has been in love with her best guy friend (let’s call him Brian) for a very long time.

I think we’re very familiar with this story (I know I am) whether it has happened to us directly or not.

It’s been the plot of hundreds of chick flicks and probably thousands of novels. Hell, I think practically every TV show I’ve ever seen has that couple that is just friends but secretly everyone is just WAITING for them to finally get together.

Sarah knows she is meant to be with Brian. I’m going to be completely honest, even I have told her that I think they are meant to be together. I’m pretty sure all her family members have told her the same thing. It’s obvious to everyone except him I’m pretty sure.

Brian is her soulmate…her person….THE person she is supposed to be with. We’re all silently rooting for the happily ever after for them that we’ve seen in so many movies…

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I had a Brian. I think most of us at one point or another have loved a Brian. For me, I had multiple Brians.

He was my first love. We were best friends for about two years before we dated,and after we broke up, it took me about two years to get over him. I thought that we were meant to be together. I thought he was my soulmate…my person….THE person I was supposed to be with.

Then in college I met another Brian. He was older than me. He was a musician. He was super intelligent. We had so much in common and I felt like our chemistry was electric. Even my whole family noticed it.  I had just met him but I felt like I had known him my whole life. I thought he was the person I was going to marry someday. I thought he was my soulmate….my person….THE person I was supposed to be with.

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Then I met my husband.

My husband is not a Brian. In fact, because my husband is not a Brian, it took me a long time to realize I had real feelings for him. He wasn’t my type. He wasn’t the mysterious, artsy, musician type I usually went for.

My husband is a James.

But I was supposed to marry a Brian…I spent my whole life thinking I was going to marry Brian. Brian was my soulmate.

This was the argument I had with myself when I first met my husband. He wasn’t the person I pictured. He wasn’t the “soulmate” I had been waiting to marry.

James wasn’t mysterious at all, which I found profoundly confusing. I had spent my life trying to “figure out” Brian.

Did Brian like me? Did he have feelings for me, but was he too afraid to admit them? Did he just have intimacy issues? Was he scared of getting hurt? When would he text me? Should I text him first? The list of questions was endless…

James texted me when he said he would. James told me he had feelings for me. James told me I was the only girl he was interested in. James told me he wanted to date me. Later on in the relationship, James told me he wanted to marry me.

I had only ever chased after the unavailable Brians of the world. I genuinely did not know how to be with someone so….available….

Because truthfully (and we hardly ever admit this, even to ourselves) as much as we say we want someone to love us and treat us right and all that….when someone comes around who finally does treat us right…. we ditch them for Brian.

PRAISE THE LORD I did not ditch my husband for Brian.

…but it could have happened…

Had we not gotten to know each other slowly so that I had plenty of time to realize I had feelings for him,  I might have just written him off as “too nice” or thought we didn’t have enough in common.

If I didn’t pray regularly for God to show me if James was the right person for me or not, I might not have ever given the relationship a chance.

If we both hadn’t been willing to work through some tough insecurities and issues, things might not have worked out.

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Now, I don’t have anything against the Brians of the world. Brian just has his own issues he needs to work out like anyone else. Maybe you are meant to be with Brian. Maybe Brian IS your soulmate….the one person you are meant to be with.

….or maybe….

Maybe holding on to Brian is more of a fantasy than true love.

Maybe you’ve never known what it’s like to love someone, not because they are perfect for you, but because they are imperfect just like you.

I have trouble saying I believe in “soulmates” because I feel like it tricks people into waiting for the “perfect” person.

I think some people miss the right person waiting for the “perfect” person.

Or…they marry the “perfect” person, but give up on the relationship when they find out the other person isn’t so perfect after all.

Marriage is gloriously messy and wildly imperfect. It is not a romantic comedy or a happily ever ever. It’s raw and unfiltered. It’s beautiful.

I thank God every day that I chose James to go through life with. I’m so thankful that I chose someone kind and caring, someone I never have to question if I can rely on, someone I can be completely goofy and myself with, someone I can be imperfect with. I’m so thankful I married the right person.

Don’t wait for the “perfect” person.

Don’t write off that sweet guy because he’s “too nice”

Don’t spend your whole life waiting for Brian.

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Maybe James is your person after all….

I know he’s mine ❤

 

p.s. this song played at our wedding and it’s oh so beautiful 🙂